How ready are we for virginity talk

By Jinan Moussa

March/April 2004

BEIRUT - ‘‘I have not had any sexual intercourse yet, and I am therefore still a virgin. But I have been going to take-won-do classes. After attempting to do the splits, I have noticed blood stains in my underwear. Does this mean that I’ve broken my hymen? If so, is there any way of getting it repaired? I come from a very religious family, where any assumption can be made if I don't bleed on my wedding night. I want to know how much such a treatment costs. I will be extremely grateful for your advice.’’ Very Concerned. 

No matter how advanced our education may be we just can't break away from the hymen myth. It is not solely a Muslim issue. The virgin cult existed long ago with the Aztecs and the Incas. In Christianity too, virginity is of paramount importance, for chastity is a top priority above all other life styles. Even in the sixties, this was still a hot item. Marriage was the least of all evils and all sexual contact, not aimed at reproduction, was considered a grave sin. In this sense, Judaism is not much different, for Jewish laws condemn physical pleasure as well.

 Most young women in the West have never given any thought to the status of the hymen. Many of them may even associate the breakage of the hymen to junior high period. How different it is in this part of the world, where family honor and virginity of girls seem synonymous. In our part of the world, women are still expected to bleed on their wedding nights as a proof that they are virgins. When they do not bleed, they often suffer severe consequences, varying from shame and humiliation to instant divorce or death.

To avoid such disasters, women have resorted to various tricks that they bleed, including the use of animal blood in their private parts or even cutting themselves. Wealthier women however, do hymen-repair surgery in the event that no hymen is found. In the Netherlands, for example, a pill has been invented that must be inserted just before intercourse, which will produce a red fluid.

 What for? Why do men always have to take the negative part of the issue? Surveys have shown that 40 to 80 percent of the women do not bleed because of the first intercourse. to begin with, some girls are born without a hymen; the hymen may tear naturally when a girl plays sports or engage in any physical activity; the hymen is not always smooth but tends to be perforated and that the perforations may get bigger and cause the hymen to be broken by the use of tampons; the hymen may be very small or very elastic so that no breakage occurs at all; a hymen may not bleed all when broken.

 So why all this blood myth? In the old days, girls were married off at a very young age, whereby the partner was much older. Many of these girls were not even physically ready to have intercourse and were scared out of their wits when their husbands forcibly consumed the marriage. Nowadays, we call this rape. It is really sad that many of such cultural practices are still very much part of the Arab society tradition. No, this is not a plea for promiscuity. Yet it seems that certain religious guidelines are grossly abused due to tremendous social pressures, and the concept of virginity is reduced to something about blood only that can't be true! Whatever happens to purity lies within the heart. If there is not a change of heart, we Arabs will continue to bleed.

Jenan Moussa is an English literature student at the Lebanese University. She wrote this article for Alternative