Short scenarios of a Lebanese thing

By Wissam Al Saliby

February 2004

BEIRUT -- During my first year of university, I had fun listening to stories my Muslim school friends studying at Université Saint Joseph or in the Second Branches of the Lebanese University used to tell me. Now, I am in third year and I am still hearing the same old scenarios from many people I know.

Here’s one of these stories a friend, Maya, told me:

Maya was going back home after one of her first days in university, and a girl in her class was walking along with her:

- The girl: Where are your “service” heading?

- Maya: To Haret Hreik.

- The girl: Yiiiii! Why are you going there?

- Maya: I live there.

- The girl: But Muslims live there!

- Maya: Yes.

- The girl: Then why do you live there?

- Maya: Because I am Muslim too. (The girl was shocked and turned back to join another group of girls)

In another story Mona told me, the girls – very honest and straightforward – in her university told her: “You don’t look like Muslim.” (How a Muslim is supposed to look like in the heads of those girls is still to be determined)

On a Sunday morning, I was heading north in a service along with my 10 year-old cousin Georges and a friend of mine. Abed, a Muslim guy, was the driver. While talking with my friend, I mentioned that we will be going to a certain village in the North.

George who was listening carefully immediately reacted: “Yiiii, I hope they won’t be any Mtawleh (Lebanese slang for Shiites) over there.” My friend and I stayed silent, as if we did not hear anything.

Ali, one of my best friends, told me two months ago, that while he was participating in the shooting of a series at a Lebanese television station, everybody was calling him Elie, instead. No need to mention that he was probably the only Muslim among them. And they never stopped calling him Elie until he refused to reply to Elie.

Days later, while shooting another part of the series, they were calling him Mohammad and not Ali. What’s the difference anyway? After all, he is (you should know what, a Muslim)

I must admit that what you have just read is only one sided. But it is probably the same thing on the other side. Bassam, the brother of a friend of mine, is Muslim, from Baalbek.

He told me that once he met a Shiite guy whose tongue unfolded when Bassam told him that he was from Baalbak. The Shiite guy immediately took Bassam for a Shiite, predominantly residing in Baalbak and said: “You know  Bassam how the Sunnites are, dirty...”

Bassam played along until he told the Shiite guy that he was a Sunnite from Baalback.

Wissam Al Saliby is a Lebanese University student. He wrote this article for Alternative